Ludwig Rogues' Gallery.

Click here for general Ludwig Promo Blurb.

I was recently required to provide an image for the upcoming Lugwig show, so rather than old fashioned digital collage, I decided to jump on the A.I. train and see where it took me. I used several of the different free image generation platforms online, prompting it with sentences like "Ludwig chases cockroack with poison" or "Toxic Beethoven is a cockroach" or "Beethoven kills poison cockroach".

I got sucked deep down the A.I. digital rabbit hole, and generated a bunch of them. Here are a few. 

You can double-click the first pic and scroll thru with your cursor. If you like that sort of thing. 

  

                                                               

Ludwig

Ludwig is a dance-theatre telling of the story of a bug-killer who is sent on a job, but falls in love with the bug he is supposed to kill. Loosely inspired by David Cronenberg’s film version of Naked Lunch by William Burrows and by Film Noir generally, Ludwig’s actions are all driven by specific Beethoven Piano Sonatas which he “listens to” on a Sony Walkman, but are actually played by a live pianist. Will love or duty triumph? And might the bug poison he is addicted to anyway kill him first?

WARNING: RISK OF - 

• anxiety

• numbness, tingling feelings

• confusion

• difficulty in breathing or swallowing

• fast, irregular, pounding, or racing heartbeat or pulse

• seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not there

• tremor

• confusion about identity, place, and time

• false or unusual sense 

• agitation

• blurred vision

• dizziness, faintness, or fever

• lightheadedness, dizziness, or fainting

• loss of appetite

• mental depression

• nausea

• nervousness

• overactive reflexes

• poor coordination

• pounding in the ears

• restlessness

• shivering

• sweating

• talking or acting with excitement you cannot control

• tightness in the chest

• unusual tiredness or weakness

• cold, clammy skin

• seizures

• troubled breathing

• trouble sleeping

• dry mouth

• feeling of constant movement of self or surroundings

• lack or loss of strength

• memory loss

• sensation of spinning

• unusual dreams

• abnormal ejaculation

• abnormal interest in sexual intercourse

• muscle twitching

Click here for Ludwig Gallery

Blogpology.

Dear Scallypeeps, a quick blogpost apology - a blogpology, if you like.

I've become aware of the fact that xmas songs after xmas are strangely disturbing and a little depressing. I had finished that mash-up I posted in the last blog well in advance of xmas, and it was my intention to post it on xmas day itself - but being with actual people, and having lovely Bucks Fizz(es) for breakfast, meant that plan slipped into a drunken xmas haze. Like everything in life, it's all about the timing. What brought my attention to the unsettling nature of late xmas songs was being in my local shopping center, which starts playing xmas songs sometime in early December, and has them relentlessly spugged out in every corner of the building - supermarket, shops, corridors and toilets - there is no escaping the xmuzak. Up until xmas day, and even up til new years eve, it's irritating but somehow tolerable. However, on January 5th, hearing a poptastic rock'n'roll version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town provoked feelings of melancholy, anxiety and nausea.

I'm thrilled to report that since yesterday Ria Shopping is back to lowest-common-denominator pop muzak. So, as good as my xmash-up is - and it's fuckin awesome - I should have either posted it on xmas day, or waited until next year. Please forgive me.

 Anywhoo, did y'all know that the original scallywag, STAN himself, takes to the stage this coming Tuesday and Wednesday? That's the 10th and 11th of January 2017. Only a few short miles from the heart of London's West End, the theatre capitol of the world, we perform in the infamous Etcetera Theatre, Camden. And when I say infamous, I do mean unfamous. Front row tickets are already changing hands on the black market for thousands of your English Pounds, so I urge you to snap up the few remaining seats while they are still available.

Buy tickets here.

And please do - if you haven't already - post the facebook event page link into your timeline. Here it is -

https://www.facebook.com/events/946213562179310/

I'd like to finish up this blog with a little etiquette quandary.

Let's say - hypothetically - that someone who may or may not be a family member gave you a shirt for your birthday, and that he actually always gets you a shirt for every birthday and xmas. Now, the last shirt he got you was synthetic, and you've told him numerous times that because you have delicate skin you can only wear natural fibres. You've told him this because he has bought you synthetic shirts before. Numerous times before. His birthday is a month after yours. Here's the quandary - for his birthday present, is it ok to give him that synthetic shirt he just got you, that you have never worn and will never wear?

I think it's safe to assume - hypothetically - that he likes the shirt, because he chose the bloody thing, and like most people buys presents based on what he likes, rather than what he thinks the person he's getting it for likes. And perhaps, if you gave him the shirt back, he would in future remember that you can't wear synthetic fibres, and get you a cotton shirt. Or woollen. Or silk. Or something that's not a fucking shirt.

However, if this person who may or may not be a close family member was - hypothetically - the kind of person that reacts extremely badly to anything he perceived as criticism, would the inevitable and mind-bendingly tedious political fall-out that followed render the possible future acquisition of non-synthetic shirt gifts as too nominal a benefit to risk it for?

Just in case you're wondering, you also assume - hypothetically - that this person that may or may not share lots of genes with you never reads your blog, and is in fact blissfully unaware that you have been blogging for almost a decade.

If you do have any insights to illuminate this entirely hypothetical quandary, please stick 'em in the Comments section below.

Tick Tock - Where's My Cock?

Ahoy Scallywagamamasandpapas.

In case you're wondering, the title of this post is not merely gratuitous profanity - rather a carefully crafted cryptic reference to the fact that STAN will strut his stuff exactly a week from today.

So let's get straight into the Shameless Self Promotion part of this blog post.

We play next week on the 10th and 11th of January in the Etcetera Theatre, Camden as part of the Black Box Festival.

Tickets can be bought here, for the nominal price of a Tenner, or 8 squid concessions. Virtually giving 'em away, you're robbing me! I do have some squeezes to give away, so if you think you are a worthy recipient please let me know. If you convince me that you are bringing a bunch of friends with you, a freebie is as good as yours.

Here's the facebook event page, which I'm led to believe is the key promotional tool that I need to be pushing and encouraging you all to share. So please do share it, and ask the people you share it with to share it, and so on, until after 7 degrees of separation, the entire population of the planet will be plugged in and turned onto this event. Probably. Sadly, the Etcetera Theatre won't hold 7 billion people. Not all sitting down, anyway.

For more info about the show, and a lovely lickle review from a German Newspaper, have a look at the last blog post.

I think that pretty much does it for Part One of this blog post, with all dem links an' promotion an' dat innit.

Ai! Arsenal match kicking off soon (we play The Mighty Bournemouth) so this is a perfect juncture to take a break from blogging the wankosphere. In Part Two I'll do a bit of a State Of The Nation type thingamiboo. And the nation is in a right fucking state. See you on the flip side. Cmon you GOONERS!

As you are all clearly burning to know what happened in the match, I can divulge that we were down 3 nil after 20 minutes, and equalised in the 2nd minute of injury time through an Olivier Giroud header.

Ok then. Theatre. And that. In a nutshell, the world in general and the UK and US in particular are going down the shitter. Broadly speaking, it seems to me like we have two choices - retreat and hide, or speak up and be heard. Theatre is about coming together as a community to share our stories, engage with each other, stimulate conversation, challenge the norms and change our minds.

Or you can chose to stay at home and watch telly. Isolate yourself. Consume rather than participate.

The latter is easy and comforting. The former is challenging and rewarding.

I'm not suggesting you never watch telly. Some telly is great. But as a theatre maker - and more importantly a theatre lover - I am committed to celebrating the magic of the theatre moment. Ephemeral and unique, with the power to transform and connect us.

Nuff said. See y'all in Camden.

BONUS TRACK - As a Special Somewhat Late Xmas Treat, here's a little mash-up what I did. An Xmash-Up.

The (Real) Return Of The Prodigal Scum.

My Dear Scallywaggers, you lovely people, you.

Time once again to jizz in the face of the Blogosphere, precipitated by Actual News - past, upcoming and political-cultural.

Despite The-End-Of-The-World-As-We-Know-It (more on that later) Scallywag Endeavours has managed to stay active on the cultural landscape. When I was invited by the redoubtable Ron Bunzl to co-direct a Story Telling Circle project in Huesca, Spain, it was quite simply the proverbial offer you can't refuse. And this time not because of blackmail that would lead to being charged and convicted with a felony - rather because it was an opportunity to be involved in a wonderful project that would engage and stimulate me, that I would undoubtedly learn from, and that had every chance to enrich and transform the lives of the participants. I'm thrilled to report that it delivered all of the above. Plus we made some powerful and moving theatre, and developed and refined some genuinely new ways to reveal process as product and versa visa. In the words of the poet - That's some new shit, man.

Massive shout and nuff respec to all the participants, who were honest, courageous and generous (which makes the job of directing fun and inspiring) and though "amateurs" came armed with a serious arsenal of skills - from concert violinist, to parkour hip-hopper, to kick-ass flamenco dancer, a kick-ass contemporary dancer, and with a music and an art therapist thrown in for good measure. Special shout out to the wonderful musician Simone "the missing link" Giacomini, who arrived for the last 2 weeks of the process and inspired the final stages of our evolution. And finally a mention for Huesca itself. What a great little town! Do yourself a flavour and go visit.

And now, my dear broken and desperate theatre whores (am I projecting?) onto news of upcoming events. The London Theatre Scene is a hard nut to crack - like trying to crack a walnut that's been reinforced with Essence Of Hardness - with a jellyfish. Yet crack it we have. I'm chuffed to announce that STAN has been invited to perform in The Black Box Festival in the Etcetera Theatre in Camden, London on the 10th and 11th of January 2017.

Tickets for STAN can be bought here. 

And please do post that link on your facebook timeline, your Twitter "feed" (I think that's the term...) in emails to all your friends, and projected onto the moon in 10 mile high letters. Painted on the side of a giant Zeppelin would also do. Here is that link, to copy and paste how and where you see fit.

https://www.ticketea.co.uk/tickets-theatre-blackbox-stan/

Seating is limited, so please do book in advance to avoid disappointment. I have kept the ticket price down to an absolute minimum (about the price of a mixed drink in a West End theatre) but if you are really skint, and think you deserve a free ticket, do let me know as I have a couple of squeezes ear-marked for movers and shakers. These are generally people that are compelled to see theatre 3 or 4 times a week, so only go and see a show if it has Mark Rylance in it. As Mark was sadly unavailable, there is a chance I'll have a couple freebies going begging. As always, first come does not necessarily mean first served, but do get requests in early, as you'll have more chance of your guilt-tripping sob-story to gain traction. 

Here's a bit of marketing blurb and a nice review - 

STAN is a small man with a big mouth. He's not afraid to say what's on his mind, or on your mind. He is the Anti-New Man. Loud. Aggressive. Unapologetic. But his abrasive exterior also hides something more fragile - the small boy inside, lost, alone, confused and frightened.
STAN is in some way a reaction to modern 'civilised' man. The man who has suppressed his basic urges, who censors his primal animal instincts. The man who is emasculated by modern, powerful Independent Woman, who at the same time as demanding his dicklessness, despises him for it.
The cracks in STAN's Psyche are sometimes revealed through moments of self reflection - "Do you ever feel like you're being manipulated?" He asks the audience. "It's fucking weird!" STAN chooses to live in denial about the fact that he's a puppet, unwilling to deal with the horror of this reality.

And here's a nice review from the Nurnberger Zeitung -
The one-man-show "STAN" again proves that the best humour is not just slapstick but has discreet depth. At first sight STAN is the archetype of a chauvinist: sexist to the threshold of pain, testosterone driven and in an absolute yet inadequate manner sure of himself. But behind this facade lies a sensitive inner life. That this identity crises is so fascinating can alone be accredited to Jim Barnard's accomplished performance and his remarkable physical skill. He is a puppeteer with both feet and one hand in his Alter Ego.

I've performed STAN in theatres and festivals all over the world, from Holland to Germany, Slovenia to Belarus, Norway to Spain, Cabo Verde to Bolivia to name but a few. Last year we had a show in Croydon, but this will be the first show officially in London. Now, I'm from London, and the character STAN is from London, so this does feel a little special. 

So do come down to share a special night, the real Return Of The Prodigal Scum.

You know what? I was going to write a bit about the resurgence of The New Right, and the role/responsibility of the artist to ask questions and stimulate a conversation, so we don't blindly slip back into the Dark Ages. I was going to examine what we might have learned from Brexit and Trump - and Leicester winning the Premiership (yeah yeah, and the Cubs too.) But I think this blog post is long enough, and there will be more Shameless Self Promotion before the shows in January. So I will save that stuff for then. Something to look forward to. Oh yes, and a very special Scallywag Xmas Mashup... You lucky people, you.

In the mean time, take care and stay well lubed. 

The Re-Re-Launch Of Scallywag Radio

Scallywaggers near and far.

Some order can now be restored to the world, as Scallywag Radio now has it's own platform, and Scallywag Theater can go back to blogging about theater (or Theatre, for the English).

As you'll see, I defected to Word Press for the Radio blog, coz it looks better, innit? But it doesn't seem to work quite as well as the old faithful blogspot, once you were a good blog, but now you're not. Except you still are. What...... Ever!

To be honest, I'm now not convinced that having blogs and content in 2 different places is such a hot idea, and I may even consolidate the whole damn thing into a Scallywag Productions blog...

Wadaya fink? Your opinions as always are very welcome.

Scallywag Radio Presents - Unfinished (Yet Another Micro Audio Play)

Ging Gang Scallywaggywaggywaggy Wash Them.

Well fuck me ragged, I'm on a roll with these. This one's only 2 mins 15 secs, and has no clever environ-flippin-mental soundscape - but I think it's my favorite to date. That could just be because it's the newest, and new things are very attractive. But I like to imagine that it's the quality of the writing. And the performance.

Everything I want to say about this is in the last post. So if you give a monkey's, do check that out. If not, fuggit, I say art should stand for itself, and no amount of background info is gonna make bad art better.

I'm considering making a new Blog that is dedicated to Scallywag Radio. But in the mean time it will continue to piggy-back on the broken shoulders of Scallywag Theater.

For your comprehensive listening pleasure, here's the first two Micro Audio Plays.


Fast And Spurious.


Like That.